Questionable Decisions

She sat up, an apparition
on the edge of my bed and rose
white, wispy, semi-transparent
hot breath on a January morning
where everything begins again
before fading away
into microscopic droplets.
She disappeared into the air
through the floor of my apartment
deep under the soil beneath,
returned to being
such a part of everything
that I can no longer separate her
from the rest of it
though I’m not sure
if I’ve ever been able to
for more than an evening.

I think she likes being that way
an indiscernible and indefinite lover
choosing the indiscriminate, so far removed
from feeling anything
as to get a leg up on pain.

And in the brief moment
after her departure
I’m left with an ache
both for more and less
which is all she’s ever claimed to offer me.